You know you are a Food Addict, WHEN…

 I’ve been doing some extensive reading on Binge Eating, Overeating and Food addiction.  To be honest, I am an addict.  It is a hard thing to admit too.  But like tens of thousands of others like me, it is reality.  Is there a cure?  Yes.  Is this easy?  No.  I’ve also got some nutritional counseling recently because I was convinced I am not doing this correctly.  Guess what, I am not!  My vision and education on food is a little skewed and I need to fix it and re-educate myself.

In order for me to be successful at weight loss for the rest of my life, means I need to get a handle of my food addiction and change my feelings about food and what it does for me.  I thought I had a handle on this, but to be honest I didn’t and that is what brought me to where I am today.  With a gain on the scale and no weight loss in sight.  Ugh!  This journey I have been on is 2 years in the making.  Did I lost 120 lbs yes!  Hooray!  But the scale is slowly creeping back up and I’m going out of my mind.

You know you are a food addict when you think about food 24 x 7.  What am I going to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, what about my snacks, when will I get to my favorite coffee shop to get my fix?  Food is comfort, is feels glorious going down.  But I am not satisfied, not in the long run and I am spinning out of control of this journey I am on.  I need help.  I need control.  I need to feel good about myself again and what I see in the mirror.  Right now I see the old me, over 300 lbs and miserable with myself.  Although I am not 300 pounds, I am no longer in ‘Onederland’ and its killing me!

I’ve tried so many things, drastic things, excessive and restrictive diet tricks.  I’ve bought this shake, those supplements and stupid pills that do absolutely nothing but put a whole in my wallet and a frown on my face.  The picture I have attached is from August 2014.  11 months into weight training and working with a trainer on my journey.  This was a proud moment for me.  I did a muscle flex pose because I wasn’t convinced how far I have come til I saw myself like this.  Healthy and fit and on my way to my goal weight.  I don’t feel the same way now.  But on a positive note, I have a new gym and a new weight training regime that I am following to get me to my goal.

We don’t always know what is right around the corner for us.  I surely didn’t expect that this journey would be 2 years in the making and that I still would be struggling with food and the scale.  This is a process and for each and every one of us it is different and unique.  We struggle, we kick ourselves, we celebrate the small victories and we strive to be a better self.  I have resolved  to no longer write about my next “best big thing”.  This isn’t about try this new thing, go do that new diet and follow the latest Fad.  It’s about wholesome food, being in touch with ourselves, having an honest relationship with good food and striving to continue working towards our goals and succeeding.  I am already a winner and I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.  This journey has enlightened me, made me come face to face with my addiction,  and show my true colors.  We all must continue to grow and accept change, lift ourselves up when we are down, and lean on others in our lives that bring happiness to it.

I will look like that photo above again!  In fact I will be in a smaller frame, with a bigger smile and hopefully more cut muscles.  I am not afraid of some muscle definition.  Keep rooting for me.  I’ve got a-ways to go, but I am here cheering you on as well!

Admission to my faults and Whole30

I am fortunate to be sitting behind the desk of a new job that started 2 weeks ago, right after the start of my new venture with the Whole30 program.  I am ecstatic about this new position with a new company and it’s possibilities for my professional future.  I was even more excited to learn that they had a fitness center on site that I could join which will allow me to exercise during lunch and after work if need be.  I felt like I hit the jackpot.  I’ve been wanting to get back on track with exercising during my lunch hour to add more cardio to my exercise regime.  So far this is my second week and I have been making the time to do the extra 30 minutes of cardio during my lunch hour.  Over a year ago I was on a strict regime of 1.5 hours of exercise combined with weight training 6 days a week including that 30 minutes at lunch and it really made all the difference with my calorie deficit at the end of the day.  Once 11:30am came around I was down in that gym like clock work to get it in and it made me feel so good the rest of the afternoon.  Since I am new to this position this year, I am still trying to adjust to the work schedule and the work load but I have been able to communicate to my team that I am making this a priority during my lunch.  They approved with big smiles and support.

With that said, my food is another story.  I am loving the Whole30 recipes and it feels great to be preparing them and eating them.  I set Sundays and Wednesdays to be my prep days in cutting and preparing food for lunch and breakfast.  It helps to have it made up ahead of time because I can just grab and go in the mornings.  But I am troubled.  I mean I am a food addict!   This may come as a surprise to some of you, maybe not, but it is even more of a reality now for me.  I am trying to understand why I turn to food, but now it seems to be a habit more than anything else.  A bad habit I have to break and fast.  I know I don’t need the food, the meals I am preparing are more than adequate for a healthy lifestyle and to continue on my weight loss journey.  There is this endless feeling of failure that I have now.   This is daunting and miserable.  It makes me feel like I will never succeed at this weight loss.  Have I given up?  This is what I have been asking myself?  Because for me it is all about the food!  It is slowly eating away at my self worth, and my self confidence.  I have a wonderful family who supports me on this journey and I know they haven’t given up on me.  I pull support from friends too that I have met from the gym and close friends that are aware of my venture.  My biggest support coming from my sister and my husband.  I don’t want to let them down and I know I have already let myself down.   So how do I change this you ask?

Admitting my failure and my faults was the first step.  Sharing this to my husband was a big deal for me, but a step in the right direction.  Removing the patterns of my bad habits.  No more stopping at the convenience store for something “convenient”, no more coffee breaks in the early afternoon, as they seem to trigger my hunger, no more self loathing, no more pity parties.  I need to make sure that I am kind to myself and change my self talk.  That is a biggie!!  My husband’s advise was to go back to what worked before.  Tracking everything I eat.  Logging it in my phone app.  Tracking the intake of calories and the calore burn to see the deficit in black and white.  Setting small goals and not rewarding myself with “treats”.   I’ve connected with the trainers at the new gym at work to design a program for me to follow and asked for them to follow-up with me to make me accountable.  This is what I need.  Stick to the whole30 program with my recipes, follow the fitness plan and Wammie!  It will work again.  My words of wisdom.  If you are struggling, stay the course!  If you are a food addict, admit it and do your best to become addicted to something that won’t harm you.  Lean on a friend or two and keep moving forward!  Your body will thank you for it.

My first full week on the Whole30 plan

I survived my first full week of the Whole30 plan and I’m feeling pretty good.  Eating whole foods is not that bad and I think I could get used to this.  What was not easy was giving up the sugar in my coffee and the preparation work and all the cooking that is involved.  But it is so worth it.  Since my last post we celebrated New Year’s Eve and we planned on what restaurant we would go to for a nice dinner.  I chose a lean steak cooked with no oil or butter or heavy seasoning, steamed vegetable skewer with no butter or oil and a side salad with the red wine vinegar and olive oil for dressing on the side.  It was a nice meal and I was very satisfied.  We rang into the New Year with hope and happiness and I felt very good about my choices that day.

The four day weekend was all about shopping and making good foods from the recipe book and other whole30 recipes online.  I made a Pumpkin Pablano Turkey chili and hard boiled some eggs and made prosciutto shells with eggs in it for a few breakfasts for the coming work week.  I cooked some chicken ahead of time too.  I’ve got my next week planned out well with my food.  My hardest time is between lunch and dinner and I am not allowed to snack so my hearty Turkey Chili will hopefully fill that spot for me.  My daily workouts are in the evenings as I start my day very early as it is for work.  I’ve enlisted myself on Facebook in a New Year, New Challenge page so I can report daily on my progress and be accountable for my eating plan and workouts.  It’s a great way to get additional support for people going through the same journey.

My sister is on Day 1 of the program so we have each other to support as well.  Having others around you supporting you and cheering you on make a huge difference in your success.  Getting other family members and friends to join into your program will also make you successful as you can see what each other is going through and help in their success as well.  I’ve tried to get my family to join me on this program but they are not quite ready for such a drastic change.  This is a huge committment to get all the “junk” out of your house and temptations and strictly eat Whole Foods.  The shopping can be difficult as you don’t want to buy too much produce and fruit ahead of time that could spoil.  So going to the grocery store twice a week is better for me.  The plan recommends buying organic as much as possible, so I have done that where I can, but not everything I eat is organic and I risk the possibility of chemicals and free radicals to be in my food.

The other recommendation in the Whole30 plan is to not weigh yourself until the 30th day.  I weighed in on the first day and recorded my weight.  On January 31st I will weigh myself again to see what progress I have made on my weight.  I’m not expecting a huge number, but hopefully at least 10 pounds as my body transitions to whole food eating and eliminating sugar and processed foods.  I’m excited about this new plan and will be continuing to blog my progress with my ups and downs along the way.  Happy New Year everyone!

Day 2 of my Whole30 Plan and the New Year

I am happy to report I survived Day 1.  I found that I couldn’t give up coffee yesterday so I went back to Starbucks for their blonde roast coffee and bought a bag and a grande Verona coffee from the Clover brewing machine.  My second cup was better than my first and now I won’t go crazy without the caffeine every day as I withdrawal from my sugar fixation.  I finished my day yesterday with a good workout at the gym.  32 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weight training all on an empty stomach.  I felt great afterwards and went home and prepared my planned dinner and lunch for the next day.

Without the caffeine at night I slept pretty well and woke up this morning ready to start Day 2.  I’m on my second cup of black coffee today and feel pretty good.  No headaches or withdrawal symptoms from the sugar.  Let’s see what tomorrow brings.  I’m excited about this new plan and I hope I can get my husband to follow some of the program and be healthier in the New Year with me.   Ideally we should all be on the plan at home but right now they are not all on board.  Having a partner through this plan will be a good thing.  My sister who is also on a weight loss journey is starting the Whole30 Plan after the New Year, so we will have each other to bounce ideas off of and lean on each other through the process.

Which brings me to ringing in the New Year.  How are you spending your holiday?  Since I can’t have alcohol on this plan my husband and I will be celebrating by toasting with a glass of water.  No diet soda or alcohol for me that night.  I already have the restaurant picked out where I can choose to have the meat prepared with no butter or oil and my vegetables steamed with no oil or butter as well.  Again the planning and preparation is key for me on this program.  I will limit the amount of eating out during my first 30 days so I don’t have too much temptation or be in situations where I can’t ask for how my food is prepared.  This is going to be a great year!  Bring on 2015!!!

Day 1 of my Whole30 Plan

Its 3pm, that time of day when we are usually crashing from our carb loaded breakfast and sugar piled coffee rush.  Today I tried to go cold turkey with the coffee and just not have any since I can’t seem to drink it without artificially flavored creamer and splenda.  Today I tried green tea with no sweetener and it just wasn’t the same.    So today I don’t have that 3pm crash, maybe it’s because I didn’t have my typical carbs for breakfast, or maybe since I eliminated all processed foods I am not crashing.  I know the sugar typically does that on it own for me.

This morning I woke with enthusiasm and optimism.  What I got was a 11am headache due to caffeine withdrawn and I started second guessing my no coffee regime.  So I decided to try Starbuck’s blonde roast coffee “black”, which the Barista claimed tasted good enough to not have any creamer in it, but what about the sweetener?  I sipped on my first taste and wow was there alot of flavor.  I didn’t miss the creamer but the sugar is calling my name.  I declined to give in and continued to sip on it as the temperature cooled down.  “Not bad”, I thought, could this be my answer to the fact I must have creamer and artificial sweetener in my coffee in order to drink it?  I’d like to give it another try to see how I do.  But it did relieve my headache.

Breakfast consisted of 3egg white and 1 egg omelet with green/red and yellow peppers and some mushrooms.  I also included 1 slice of prosciutto ham on top.  Not filling enough but it had to do.  Lunch was a green salad with 3 chicken tenderloins and a balsamic vinegar/olive oil and lemon juice dressing I made up last night.  This was very tasty and I enjoyed the spices I added to the dressing.  I also had an apple with lunch since the Whole30 plan suggests saving the 1st fruit serving with lunch and then another with dinner.  This should help eliminate the craving for sugar early in the day for me.

So far so good.  I’m a bit worried about not having the carbs/proteins in my system prior to my workout.  Since we cannot snack on this plan I am wondering  how I will survive 7 hours no food until I am home from the gym and can get some nourishment in my body.  We will have to see.   The lunch should have been enough to sustain me, so I will maybe try some carb dense veggies with lunch tomorrow to help me through that 3pm craving for something else to eat.  I’m hoping because of only 1 cup of coffee today and no more in the afternoon, I can have a pleasant deep sleep this evening.

This plan is largely about planning and preparation so tonight I plan on having a turkey burger with peppers and onions and 1/2 a sweet potato that I will roast.  It isn’t one of the recipes I have printed from the  book but it follows the guidelines given to me by the plan.  I printed even more recipes that are whole30 approved from http://www.chowstalker.com site and I’m excited about giving them a try.  Here’s to Day 2 tomorrow!!!

Merry Christmas and a guilt free holiday

As we embark on this festive holiday I am reminded that we as a society thrive on food to celebrate everything!  We celebrate the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc with food and lots of it.  However on this holiday season I am not going to “refuse” good treats, or comfort foods.  I want to enjoy myself and not feel guilty about it.  I know that this year I have stepped off the band wagon and slipped in my weight loss goals, but I haven’t given up.  That is the most important thing to keep in mind when on a journey such as this.  “It doesn’t matter how slow we go, just don’t stop.”  And that is exactly what I am doing.

So if you are refusing the green bean casserole this year, and not having a slice of your favorite pie, think again.  This is one moment in time, a day to celebrate with family and friends and the season for giving and loving.  Just don’t let it steer you from your goals.  Don’t let a few hundred extra calories tear you away from what is most important for you.  I know I won’t.  But after the holiday I will be starting the next phase of my journey and starting Whole30 as I mentioned in my past post.  I am excited about the new venture.  I am looking forward to making myself the priority again and reaching the goals I set for myself and my health.

So go and enjoy this time of year.  Don’t beat yourself up and eat the extra serving of stuffing if you wish.  We are all human and we can’t allow food to control us or make us feel guilty.  You are worth it and you will reach your goals.  Don’t let one holiday ruin what you in your heart are determined to do.  Will you join me in celebrating this beautiful season and get back to hard work and dedication after the holidays?   Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  May this year bring you many blessings with good health and happiness.

Please follow me for my future posts when I blog daily my journey with Whole30.  I am so looking forward to it.

 

 

New Year, New Beginnings and belief in my success

As I approach the New Year I am reflecting back to the year I have had.  Many ups and down, many steps backwards, but progress forward.  It has been a joyous year to say the least but it also has been filled with heartache, disappointment and stress, lots of stress.  I got married earlier this year and I couldn’t be happier with that.  However the added stress of other events in my life and other challenges made it difficult to be successful with my weight loss this year.  I have faced the reality that life will constantly bring us turmoil, stress and many different obstacles to tear us away from making ourselves the priority when it comes to health and fitness.    But if we believe in ourselves and believe that we can achieve our goals, it will happen.  Regardless of the bumps in the road.  Our path may look great on paper but in all reality the road to get to our goals is never going to be the roadmap we laid out in the beginning.  I am a testiment of that for sure.

What I know for sure is this.  New Year, New possibilities, for change, for rejuvenation and a fresh start.  I am looking at this year for all of those things and I intend to take full advantage of the new start.  My weight loss journey continues and my approach this year will be to do something different.  I finished the “whole 30” book I was reading and I feel very good about what I have learned about food and what it does to our bodies.  My plan is to start right after Christmas so that I can take full advantage of the 30 days of clean eating right down to eliminating milk proteins and beans, rice and pasta as well as breads and all dairy.  Just eating wholesome food that grows from the ground and good proteins like beef, chicken, turkey and fish.  I am looking forward to eliminating the cravings for sugar, which seems to be my evil habit these past couple months.    I already starting to reduce my caffeine intake in the evenings as it was affecting my sleep patterns.  In 3 days it has made a huge difference in how often I wake up and how quickly I fall asleep at night.

So I am letting you all know my intentions and how I will be starting out my New Year.  This is not a resolution.  This is a committment to continue down this journey of mine with new found information and knowledge about food.  I got the fitness part down well and I enjoy how I feel after a good workout.  One thing I did not mention in my previous blogs was the fact that I started studying to be a certified personal trainer so that I can help others on similar journies succeed and relate to what I have gone through.  I will start back up my studying over the holiday break so that I can continue to make good choices with my fitness and continue to be safe about it.  I have been very fortunate so far and have not suffered any injuries that prevent me from continuing with my goals in the gym.  This aspect of my journey is very important to me so I want to know everything I can to be successful.  What are your goals for the New Year and how do you plan on taking full advantage of it?

Getting back into the swing of things

I haven’t touched base on this blog in awhile due to being so busy with holiday preparations and not enough time for myself.  Boy do I miss the days where I was totally focused on my weight loss, prepping healthy meals, insisting on a 60 minute workout and logging all my daily food.  My focus and drive has fallen short and I am so looking for the holiday rush being over so I can be back into the swing of things, namely, My weight Loss Journey.  This time last year it was a bit easier for me to focus, my son was at college and I joined a gym that motivated and inspired me to stick with it.  My son is not in college full time away from home like last year, and I left that gym for personal reasons, so my stress level and anxiety is through the roof this holiday.  But not for long….

I have been doing more research lately on Whole Eating.  I am fascinated with the research behind what “bad” food does to our bodies and our health and I am anxious to incorporate this in my healthy regime going forward.  I have been surprised too with all of this new knowledge and information and to be honest, I have been destroying my body for months now with bad choices in food.  If you get an opportunity please read, “It Starts with Food”, by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig,  They are doctors who have done the research and printed the science behind whole food eating.  It is very interesting and educational.   I am so ready to get back on the band wagon and do what I need to do to reach my goals.

I am not going to go vegan or anything like that because I do love meat in all facets.  But I do want to live a healthy life and pass that down to my family so that we all can be on this earth as long as possible.   I was enlightened also to read about how healthy and whole eating can help reverse and eliminate many medical ailments that people face.  That in itself is worth reading this book and educating ourselves.  I am looking forward to finishing the book around the holidays and starting well before the New Year.  I am not going to be making any resolutions this year, as I have been on this journey for better health and fitness since Jan 2013.  But my hope is that this New Year will bring me better health and wellness all around.

Do you know how good it feels when we are eating healthy, making good choices and exercising?  The adrenaline rush we get and look forward to everyday?  It feels so good to be healthy and strong.  I am still trying to encourage others to find health and wellness in their lives.  But as I am learning, “it starts with the food”, and what we are feeding our bodies and our children.  Exercise and Fitness must be fed into the equation, however the food we eat is primarily responsible for what causes us the most harm with our health.  So why not make the choice to change it and see the fascinating results that can come from it?  Ready to join me?

 

Three steps backwards, one Giant Step forward

Does it feel like at this time of year your healthy eating and exercise regime go right out the window?  You feel like your stepping backwards in your goals and accomplishments and not moving forward due to too much holiday temptations and stress?  As I mentioned in some of my previous blogs, I have been on a backwards moving train for quite sometime, stuck in a rutt, and not moving forward, and I am hating every minute of it.  Now I know I can’t be too hard on myself because in this past 6 months I have accomplished goals and made strides in lots of areas, all which lead up to my happiness and a healthy life.  The scale has not moved in th direction I am striving for and that part sucks.

Like the photo above, a SetBack, is when you slip up and get distracted, but a failure is when you decided your health isn’t worth it.  I have never lost track of my health and fitness goals and I continue down this journey with those in mind.  OK, so I have to adjust my timeline on reaching my goal weight and maybe I won’t run a 10k til the end of next year, but I will do it and I will not fail.  Failure is not about gaining a few pounds.  Failure is not eating a bad breakfast.  And failure is not leaving a gym and going to another to make a change in your fitness routine.   Change is a good thing and our entire life will be about change and how we adapt to it.  I have felt like I have moved backwards, but every day I continue to make strides to move in a forward direction, embrace change, because sometimes it is just plain unavoidable.  I realized something profound today.  Even though I have felt like I have bad a huge setback in my weight loss journey, it doesn’t mean I have failed myself, failed my friends or the people I inspire everyday.  It means I am human and there is always room for improvement and a chance to keep going and be healthy and reach my goals.

I spoke to a close friend today that taught me just this.  He made some huge decisions awhile back that made he realize that he screwed up, made bad choices, felt like a failure but realized that he can turn it around with some hard work and determination and a plan.  He will reach his long time goal and become a stronger and more healthy individual no matter what.  When life throws you curve balls, or even if you made the mistakes in your life that you realize later were the wrong choices for yourself there is still time to turn it around and get what you want. I still have the time, drive and determination to turn this around for the better and not allow the curve balls to slow me down.  My setback has lasted long enough and I am so ready to stop saying I am going to do this and just do it!   Are you with me?  Who can you inspire today to get out of their rutt, tell them that their setback is only temporary and there is still time to succeed in their goals?

“Being Thankful” because there is so much to be thankful for

I am new to this online blogging thing and to be honest I am really enjoying it.  I am not staying as consistent as I would like to be, blogging everyday, sharing my story, ranting and raving about this and that, but as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought it would be appropriate to write about what I am thankful for on this journey of mine.  I have alot to be thankful for and it is that reflection of gratitude that we need to do more of in this world.  So here is my token of appreciation and just a small subset of everything I can write and express my gratitude for.

On this journey I have met alot of amazing, inspiring and wonderful people.  Some to which I have become close friends with and others who I have gotten tips and advise from and have incorporated that knowledge into my daily life.    I am so grateful for their friendship, love and support along this road.  I am thankful to have been able to share in my journey with them and hopefully offered them so gleam of hope, inspiration and support as well.  We all need it, whether we are on a weight loss journey, or trying to reach other goals of our own.  That love and support is critical in our lives to know that we have people to reach out to when we need it, and I have needed it along the way.

I am thankful for the ability to be able to afford personal training during this venture.  While not everyone can afford personal training sessions at a local gym, it has made a huge difference in my success, especially with the weight training aspect.  We need muscle ladies and gentlemen!!!  I have learned so much about weight training and how critical it is for our bodies and our health.  I am not saying that you need to hire a personal trainer to be successful in weight loss.  Not everyone can afford it, but I am so thankful for that piece of this journey.

I am thankful to my family, especially my husband who has been with me every step of this path.  He loved me at my heaviest and still loves me the same, regardless of my size.    The happiness and pleasure that comes with this success, reaps rewards to so many others.  Like my sister, who has also been by my side through this journey, with her own weight loss story to share.  Without her cheering me on, allowing me to vent and holding me accountable, I don’t think I could have done it without her.  I am so grateful for her love and support.  She and I started this together and we will finish together.

I am thankful for every step along this journey, the successes, the road blocks, the ups and downs.  There will be many of these along the way, and I am thankful for each and every one of them.  I am determined to reach my goal and I will be the utmost grateful when I do reach the magic number.  I hope each of you following this blog can also be appreciative of your steps.  Your milestones and your set backs.  It wouldn’t be a journey if you didn’t have them.  Embrace them and learn from them, in the long run you will be glad you experienced them.    Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!